A good laugh heals a lot of hurts.Madeleine L’Engle
Back to school this year is going to look a little different. 2020 is a little different. Whether your kids are going back to school traditionally, virtually or you are opting to homeschool for the first time like us – I wish you the best school year possible.
Whatever decision you make about school this year, we could all use a laugh. So here’s a giant list of BACK TO SCHOOL jokes and puns that I’ve been testing out on my kids. I’m only including the ones that made my kids smile. I hope 2021 goes back to normal. Maybe back to school will just be the normal stressful, not the pandemic stressful.
Who is there?
Teddy (today) is the first day of school!
Q: On the first day of school, what did the teacher say her three favorite words were?
A: June, July & August.
Q: Why did the music teacher need a ladder?
A: To reach the high notes.
Q: What should elves know before the first day of 1st grade?
A: The elf-abet.
Q: What’s the worst thing you’re likely to find in the school cafeteria?
A: The Food!
Just in time for the first day of school.
Q: Why did nose not want to go to school?
A: He was tired of getting picked on!
Noah more summer – it’s time for school!
Q: Which class was the caterpillar excited about on his first day in school?
Q: How do you get straight A’s?
A: By using a ruler!
Q: What flies around grade school at night?
A: The alpha-bat.
This boy was in school one day when he became desperate to go to the bathroom.
So he asked the teacher, “May I use the bathroom?”
The teacher replied, “No, not unless you say your alphabet.”
So the boy said “a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z.”
When he finished, the teacher asked him, “Where’s the p?”
The boy replied, “Half way down my leg…”
Q: What did the pen say to the pencil?
A: So, what’s your point!
Q: How did the music teacher get locked in the classroom?
A: His keys were inside the piano!
Q: What is white when its dirty and black when its clean?
A: A blackboard.
One day a teacher stands up in front of her class and asks if anyone in the class is an idiot, and says that if there is one then he/she should stand up.
After a minute a boy stands up.
The teacher then asks the boy if he actually thinks he’s an idiot.
The boy says, “No, I just didn’t want to see you standing there all by yourself.”
Jess (just) wait till I tell you about my first day back to school!
Q: What did you learn in school today?
A: Not enough, I have to go back tomorrow!
Q: What holds the sun up in the sky?
Q: What object is king of the classroom?
A: The ruler!
Q: What do librarians take with them when they go fishing?
Q: What is the world’s tallest building?
A: The library because it has the most stories.
Q: What vegetables to librarians like?
A: Quiet peas.
Q: Why did the clock in the cafeteria run slow?
A: It always went back four seconds.
Q: Why didn’t the sun go to college?
A: Because it already had a million degrees!
Q: Which school supply is always tired?
A: A knapsack.
Teacher: I see you missed the first day of school.
Student: Yes, but I didn’t miss it that much.
Q: Why did the girl wear glasses during math class?
A: To improve her di-vison.
Q: Why did the math book look so sad when school started again?
A: Because it had so many problems..
Q. Why was the obtuse angle so upset at school?
A: Because it was never right.
Q. What did the algebra book say to the science book?
A: Boy, do I have problems!
Q. What did the math book say to the history book?
A: You know you can count on me.
Q: What is a math teacher’s favorite season?
Q. Why wouldn’t the teacher allow her students to say 288 in class?
A: Because it’s two gross. (Hint: 144 is called a gross)
Q. Why was the geometry book so adorable?
A: Because it had acute angles.
Q: Why didn’t the boy want to go to public school?
A: He wanted to go to Sundae school instead – because of all the ice cream!
Q. Why did the echo get detention on the first day of school?
A: It kept answering back.
Q. What did the student say when his teacher asked him to pay a little attention on the first day of school?
A: But I’m paying as little attention as I can!
Q: How can you make the first day of school fly by?
A: Throw a clock!
Q: Where did the sheep say they went for summer vacation?
A: The Baa-hamas
Q. Who was in charge of the school during summer vacation?
A. The rulers.
Q: What did the lobster do when the first day of school ended?
A: It shellabrated.
Q. Why did the warlock way he had so much trouble with math?
A: He never knew WITCH equation to use.
Q: What do they do on the first day of sheep school?
A: Have a baa-baa-cue.
Q: Why was the school cafeteria clock behind on the first day of school?
A: It went back four seconds.
Q. Why was the snake upset when math class ended?
A: He was an Adder!
Q: Why did the teacher wear sunglasses to the first day of school?
A: She heard her new students were bright.
Q. What did the calculator say to the girl on the first day of school?
A: Pick me and I’ll solve all your problems!
Q: What do you get when you add 4 apples and 2 apples?
A: A 2nd grade math problem.
Q. What did the girl say to her math book?
A: Some day, you’re going to have to solve your own problems.
Q. Why is glue bad at Math?
A: It always gets stuck on the problems.
Q: Where do people learn to make ice cream?
A: In sundae school.
Q: Why did the knight run around shouting for a can opener?
A: He had a bee in his suit of armor.
Q: Why were the early days of history called the dark ages?
A: Because there were so many knights.
Q: What was Camelot?
A: A place where people parked their camels
Q: When a teacher closes his eyes, why should it remind him of an empty classroom?
A: Because there are no pupils to see.
Q: How did Vikings communicate?
A: By norse code.
Q: What is a forum?
A: Two-um plus two-um.
Q. What’s treat do math teachers in Maine bring to the first day of class?
A: Whoopie Pi’s.
Q. What tool did the boy bring to his first math class?
Q. What do you get when you cross a teacher with a calculator?
A: Someone you can always count on.
Q: What’s the difference between a teacher and a steam train?
A: The first says “Spit out that bubble gum” and the second says “chew chew.”
Q. What do you get when you cross a math teacher with a tree?
Q: Why don’t you see giraffes in elementary school?
A: Because they’re all in High School.
Q: Why did the kindergartener bring a spoon to his first day of school?
A: He thought it was sundae school.
Q: Why did the teacher write the class rules on the windows?
A: She wanted it to be very clear for her students.
Q: Who is everyone’s best friend on the first day of school?
A: Their princi-PAL.
Q: Why did the Cyclops teacher have such an easy first day of school?
A: He only had one pupil.
Q: Which grade school children have the greenest thumbs?
A: The kindergardeners.
Q: What room can a student never enter?
A: A Mushroom.
Q: Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed on the first day of school?
A: She couldn’t control her pupils.
Q: What kind of meals do math teachers eat?
A: Square meals
Q: What is a math teacher’s favorite dessert?
Q. What U.S. state has the most math teachers?
Q. Why did the boy go to school with his pants tucked into his socks?
A. To protect himself from mathema-ticks.