Like a Bowl Full of Jelly.

Happy Holidays! Nothing makes me happier than a house full of laughing kids.  My kids love silly puns, knock knock jokes, farts, burps, silly memes, people getting hurt, Chrissy Teigen jumping out of Ellen’s box, Parry Gripp food songs, and my weird high pitched sneezes. 

There are 38 days until Christmas, probably like 35 by the time I publish this blog about Christmas and Holiday jokes.  I’m currently narrowing down like 500 of them by telling them to my children, if they laugh it goes on the list.  If they side eye me, it’s tossed. So here are the 50 best holiday jokes tested by my children!   

Bookmark this link, so when you get stuck at the kiddie table for the holidays – You can impress them with your witt! 

 

50 of the Best Holiday Jokes for Kids (of all ages)

Mom: Knock, knock.

 

Oli: Who’s there?

 

Mom: Murray.

 

Oli: Murray who?

 

Mom: Murray Christmas! 

Piper: What does Christmas have to do with a cat lost on the beach?

 

Oli: I don’t know. 

 

Piper: They both have sandy claws.

Dad: Knock, knock.

 

Milo: Who’s there?

 

Dad: Pizza.

 

Milo: Pizza, who?

 

Dad: Pizza on earth, good will toward men!

 

Piper: What do you call a shark that delivers toys at Christmas?

 

Mom: I’m stumped.

 

Piper: “Santa Jaws!”

Piper: What are you giving Mom and Dad for Christmas?

 

Oli: A list of everything I want!

Mom: What do snowmen like to do on the weekend?

 

Dad: What?

 

Mom: Chill out.

Piper: What does Jack Frost like best about school?

 

Milo: What?

 

Piper: Snow and tell.

Why should Christmas dinner always be well done?

 

So you can say “Merry Crispness”!

Piper: What do you get if you cross an iPad with a Christmas tree?

 

Mom: I don’t know. What?

 

Piper: A pineapple!

Mom: Where do polar bears vote?

 

Piper: Where?

 

Mom: The North Poll!

Oli: Knock, knock.

 

Mom: Who’s there?

 

Oli: Olive.

 

Mom: Olive, who?

 

Oli: Olive the other reindeer.

Piper: Why did Rudolph get a bad report card?

 

Dad: Why?

 

Piper: Because he went down in history.

Milo: What do fish sing during winter?

 

Oli: What?

 

Milo: Christmas corals.

Darth Vader: I know what you’re getting for Christmas.

 

Luke: How do you know?

 

Darth Vader: I can feel your presents.

Piper: What is a Christmas tree’s favorite candy?

 

Oli: Not sure.

 

Piper: Ornamints

Dad: Knock, knock!

 

Oli: Who’s there?

 

Dad: Dexter

 

Oli: Dexter, who?

 

Dad: Dexter halls with boughs of holly.

What’s the best thing to put into Christmas dinner? 

 

Your teeth!

Oli: What do you get when you cross a snowman and a dog?

 

Milo: I give up.

 

Oli: Frostbite.

Milo:  What does Santa say at the start of a race?

 

Piper: I don’t know.

 

Milo: “Ready, set, Ho! Ho! Ho!”

Oli: What did one snowman say to the other snowman?

 

Dad: What?

 

Oli: Do you smell carrots?

Piper: How does a sheep say “Merry Christmas”?

 

Mom: How?

 

Piper: “Fleece Navidad!

What do sheep say to each other at Christmastime?  

Merry Christmas to ewe!

What do sheep say to shepherds at Christmastime? 

Season’s Bleatings!

What’s red, white and blue at Christmas time? A sad candy cane!

What do you call an elf who steals gift wrap from the rich and gives it to the poor? 

Ribbon Hood

What comes at the end of Christmas Day? 

The letter “Y”!

What’s the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has “no EL”!

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? 

It’s Christmas, Eve!

Oli: Why is it so cold at Christmas?

 

Piper:  Why

 

Oli: Because it’s in Decembrrrr!

What kind of Christmas tree comes from Hawaii? “O Tanning Palms”!

What do wild animals sing at Christmastime? Jungle bells, jungle bells, jungle all the way!

Where do mistletoe go to become famous?

”  Holly” wood!

What do you call Santa when he stops moving? 

Santa Pause

What happened to the thief who stole a Christmas calendar? 

He got 12 months.

What does an elf study in school? 

The elfabet.

What is a cow’s favorite holiday? 

Moo-years Day.

What is an elf’s favorite sport?  

North-pole vaulting.

 

 

What does Mrs. Claus say when there are clouds in the sky?  It looks like rain, deer.

What did the gingerbread man put under his blankets? A cookie sheet.

How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming?  

He refers to his calen-deer.

Piper: What did one snowman say another snowman?

 

Oli: What?

 

Piper: You’re cool.

What is every parent’s favorite Christmas carol?  

Silent Night. 

 

What falls but never gets hurt?  – Snow

 

What do you call a reindeer who wears earmuffs? 

Anything you want!  He can’t hear you!

What is an elf’s favorite kind of music?  Wrap music!

What do you get when you cross ice and Christmas? — A cold Christmas!

What do elves eat for breakfast? — Snow flakes

What did the T-Rex say when it was Christmas Eve? — Merry T-Rexmas

What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?    – A Holly Davidson!

 How can Santa deliver presents during a thunderstorm? 

 

His sleigh is flown by raindeer

What do you call an obnoxious reindeer? 

 

Rude-olph

 

Do you know any funny Christmas jokes for kids?

Click here and send them to me! 

I hope you have the Holly Jolliest Holiday Christmas Hanukkah Kwanza Season Ever!  Happy Everything!

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Oli & Milo Decking the Halls

 

 

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